I am very thankful the Lord spoke to my heart, as a single man back in 1972, that when He gave me children I was to teach them myself. At the time I thought I was unique. I had never heard of anyone besides foreign missionaries without access to schools teaching their own children. It didn’t occur to me that the Lord might be speaking the same word to many others.

Later, after marrying and having our first child, my wife and I encouraged a few other families to teach their own children. We even started a Christian School ministry to facilitate this (we have never had a campus--all the students are taught at home by their own parents). We didn’t call it homeschooling for well over a year--we hadn’t even heard that term yet. We thought we were the only ones in the world doing this, and only knew we were to disciple our own children rather than send them to school.

We were amazed to later begin meeting many others in diverse places who reported that they, too, had thought they were the only ones the Holy Spirit was leading to teach their own children. This became one of several evidences to us that what God was doing in us was part of a much larger movement of God--a sovereign outpouring of His Spirit in our generation.

Over the years I have been fascinated to study such moves of God throughout history--what have come to be called "revivals." I am not alone in my conviction that homeschooling is part of a true awakening of the church initiated in God’s heart. I suspect that the rest of the church will one day look back on the history of the homeschool movement and see it as a great awakening that shaped and rescued the church.

But just as past "revival" movements were corrupted by flesh and compromises, I fear the homeschool movement will one day lose its freshness and become another stale monument to what God has done in the past. Like previous awakenings, I suspect this one will leave a lasting impact on the church (I don’t imagine the conviction of parents discipling their our own children will be lost). What God is doing in our generation will, if the Lord leaves us on this earth for more generations, be another foundational restoration of His purposes for the church.

But it is nonetheless tragic to me to see what I suspect are the seeds of the death of the freshness of this awakening, already among us. Recently a friend encouraged me to make a list of the top ten mistakes I think many homeschoolers make. I believe these are things that grieve the Lord and undermine the ongoing blessing He intends.

Our compromises and provision for the flesh don’t solely impact us. The most grievous result of resisting the Holy Spirit’s leading in God’s ways is that the Lord Himself is grieved. Our lives are about bringing Him pleasure (Rom. 14:8; 2 Cor. 5:9). The worst thing I can do is withhold from the Lord what He longs for and deserves. He is worthy of the joy that was set before Him as He endured the cross (Heb. 12:2). May we not grieve Him in our lack of yieldedness and insistence on self-effort.

But our little failures and compromises also affect others. God’s word repeatedly reminds us that our children can be benefitted by a heritage of godliness or handicapped by our failures (Ex. 20:5-6; 34:4-7; Jer. 32:18).

Our precedents will even aide or hinder other homeschoolers, now and in the future. Our generation is, by God’s design, to be a trailblazer generation for those who follow us. If, as I suspect, homeschooling becomes the dominant, assumed practice of the whole church in future generations, the patterns we walk out in our seemingly mundane minor details, will likely become standard practice and "traditions" for a wider circle than we can currently imagine. And the Lord calls us to be alert to how our actions affect other saints (Rom 15:1).

In all this we are not called to perfectionISM, but rather perfection that is mature completion (Matt. 5:47; Col. 1:28). It is important to keep in mind that there will always be room for improvement (Ps. 14:2-3). Yet that should never be an excuse to cave in to less than what God shows us of His desire (Rom. 6:1).

Mistake #1: Wrong Reasons

I am always excited to hear of Christians teaching their children at home, regardless of their motivations. Yet it seems to me this is one of the most likely mistakes we, as homeschoolers make--we teach our children at home with the wrong heart. While I have seen people homeschool initially from wrong motives, it seems the Lord wants to refine these to His intent over time. Our motive in everything we do must be to bring pleasure and glory to our Heavenly Bridegroom.

It is quite possible to make homeschooling too high a priority in our hearts and lives. It must be seen as a means to an end. And the end must be kingdom of God. This is what we are to seek above all else (Matt. 6:33). Homeschooling, like every other activity in our lives, is not really about this earth at all (Col. 3:1-2). Everything in our (and our children’s) lives must be about Jesus (Col. 3:17).

Perhaps to clarify, we should contrast this with some of the questionable motives we should be alert to. As wonderful as academic excellence is, it must not be what drives us. We are not homeschooling for the purpose of producing young geniuses. While the scripture repeatedly encourages wisdom, knowledge, and learning, it also warns us that knowledge can (if not in its proper role) be a hindrance to us (1 Cor. 8:1).

We all want our children to have the skills and disciplines to provide for their families some day. But job preparation is similarly not worthy as a primary goal of homeschooling. Jesus explicitly warned us not to be concerned with how our food and clothing are supplied (Matt. 6:19-34). This, in fact, is the context in which he called us to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness."

There are many desirable, God-pleasing results likely to come from our obedience to God in choosing to personally disciple our children. But no matter how good they are, if they are the focus, rather than our aim being to bring Jesus pleasure, they can become idols for us. Many homeschoolers have become enamored with the vision of the long-term societal (political/economic) impact our practices can have. May the Lord bring all this about, but may our hearts be set on Him more than on the impact we can have.

Mistake #2: Lack of Understanding of Parental Responsibility

One of the most frequently-raised accusations and arguments against homeschooling is the charge that we are "sheltering" our children. Somehow, this has come to be seen as negative in modern society. We generally consider it appropriate for parents to protect their children from physical dangers, but sheltering them from spiritual, social, and emotional risks is perceived as "over-protection." Spiritually alert parents recognize that spiritual harm is immeasurably more dangerous than physical harm.

In scripture the term "shelter" is always portrayed positively. The Psalmist sings (Ps. 61:3-4), For You have been a SHELTER for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the SHELTER of Your wings." God lovingly describes His people as His "sheltered ones" (Ps. 83.3).

Despite our cultural abhorrence of potential "over-protection," I’m unaware of a single time when scripture teaches against it. On the contrary, there are many instances of scripture lauding God, parents, and others in authority for protecting those they are responsible for. Jesus taught us to pray to our Heavenly Father (the model of fatherhood we should follow), "lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil" (Matt. 6:13). Jesus taught us to "pluck out," "cut off," and "cast away" things that might "cause one of these little ones to sin" (Matt. 18:6-10).

No doubt the Lord wants our children to learn to benefit from edifying fellowship, just as He wants this for us. However, positive social skills are generally not learned from children. God intends for fathers (not peers) to shape their children’s values and tendencies "in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Eph. 6:4). This requires protecting our children from peer domination, and instead structuring our family lifestyles to facilitate intense, intimate relationship between our children and ourselves.

Mistake #3: Overlooking Gender-Specific Roles

One of the issues the Lord has used homeschooling to confront in the church over the last several decades has been the creeping androgyny infecting our culture. Many of us remember that when we were children, at least in the church there was a fairly clear distinction assumed between the roles of men and women. But over the last couple of generations, as western culture has abandoned any vestige of biblical moorings, the notion of full-time motherhood has been disdained.

The church initially resisted this trend, but eventually capitulated. By the 1970's and 80's it seems the majority of Christian mothers were employed by others outside their homes. This became a generally unspoken impediment to homeschooling, which logically required the presence of at least one parent with the children. Many courageous Christian families withstood the scorn of the society and embraced the call of Titus 2:4-6 for the women to be "workers at home."

However, another trap went largely (thought not completely) unnoticed. Homeschooling began to be perceived as something mothers do. I have repeatedly been asked if my wife homeschools our children. I try to respond graciously, but refuse to allow this assumption to be perpetuated. Certainly my wife is very involved in our homeschooling activities. But God has called FATHERS to accept the responsibility for teaching their children (Eph. 6:4). I recognize I can’t do it all, and thankfully God has provided me a wonderful helper. But in many homeschool families the father is seen as his wife’s helper. She is perceived as the one who is carrying out the homeschooling, with his permission.

As persuaded as I am of the benefits of homeschooling, I have counseled many wives who have been given permission, by their husband, to homeschool their children, not to do it. A mother who homeschools with only her husband’s approval, is constantly laboring under a sense of being on probation. She is subconsciously aware that her husband’s authorization might be revoked if he determines she is not doing an adequate job.

Instead, if the father is the one who is persuaded of homeschooling, and accepts responsibility for leading his family in this, his wife can fully and freely help him without fear that he will withdraw his support.

Let me risk taking this a step further. The homeschool movement has become largely a women’s movement. Most homeschool support groups are made up primarily of women, and led by women. These dear sisters have much to give, and are called to teach younger women in the ministry to their families. However, there is a latent unscriptural feminism that we can inadvertently become vulnerable to, if we are not careful. I encourage homeschool groups and ministries to seek the Lord about being led by men, not just in name, but in fact. This will make it more likely that other men will embrace God’s call to truly lead their own families (1 Cor. 11:3).

The gender issue is impacting our children, as well. We all know that God has designed boys and girls differently. The distinctions are more than just physiological. We do our children a disservice when we train boys and girls identically. It makes no sense, for example, for boys and girls to have the same curriculum.

In Titus chapter two, Paul instructs certain people to teach certain things to young women, and other people to focus on distinctive things with the young men. One of the tragedies I observe in many homeschool communities is the encouragement of young ladies to aim themselves toward careers outside the home, rather than following in their mothers’ footsteps as homeschool moms.

God has always desired for the genders to maintain their distinctives, even in the way the look (Deut. 22:5). But today girls are being masculinized and boys are being feminized in our culture. For example, most institutionally-schooled boys spend virtually all their time under the influence of women (mother, teacher, cub scout leader, Sunday School teacher, etc.). I thank God for the influence of godly homeschool mothers in boys’ lives, and God clearly uses that (2 Tim. 1:5; 3:14-15). But I frequently hear such mothers longing for more male influence in their boys’ lives.

Many homeschool families have found that as they press into the Lord’s ways, not only does mom want to be home with the children, but dad also has a similar longing. A phenomenon has been increasing, in which a growing number of men are seeking (and finding) ways to meet their family’s financial needs while still being accessible to their children throughout each day. Some are tele-commuting. Others are becoming self-employed entrepreneurs who can determine if and when their children can be with them. Thankfully, a growing number of boys (and girls) in godly families are able to spend lots of time with their fathers. God is turning "the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers" (Mal. 4:6).

Mistake #4: School Rather Than Apprenticeship

Most of us were ourselves educated in institutional environments, and have very little (if any) model of how to homeschool. We all had parents. Even a poor parental model is better than no model. We are being called to recover a lost heritage from nothing more than scripture. (Can you think of a better source?) But instead, our natural inclination is to look elsewhere for our model of how to educate our children.

As we have embraced the term "homeschooling," this has been initially helpful in dealing with professional educators and other inquisitive (or even hostile) observers. However the term has become a handicap for most of us as it produces a set of assumptions that draw us away from scripture. (Note that the word "homeschool" is never found in scripture. In fact, the notion of "school" in any form, as we know it, is completely absent from scripture.)

A mistake virtually all of us stumble into, to one degree or another, is letting the educational assumptions of our culture dictate how we disciple our children. I believe God is calling us to let scripture shape not only the content of our children’s education, but also the methodology. We are not called to mimic the school at our own home.

Most Christian homeschoolers have recognized the need for Biblically-based educational content. However, few of us have questioned the underlying methodology we were taught with. Our culture’s educational paradigm has been largely shaped by the Greek system of thought, as brought down through the Prussian school structures emulated in American schools in the late 19^th and early 20^th centuries.

What kind of education did children in the Bible receive? Interestingly, most of the Jews of Christ’s day were literate. Yet they weren’t educated in schools. Even those who were educated by someone other than their parents, like the apostle Paul, were trained using a completely different methodology from that of the Greeks.

To the pagan Greeks, the goal of education was for the teacher to package knowledge he possessed and somehow transmit it to the students. They thus contemplated a body of knowledge and sought an efficient way to carve it into manageable segments. They increasingly minutely divided knowledge into disciplines, courses, lessons, and specific task instructions. Thus the focus was on curriculum.

Most of us today would not hesitate to question either this aim or the process. But the Biblical Hebrew approach to education is completely different. They were confident knowledge would be transmitted, but that was not the primary thrust. To the Hebrews, the goal of education was to shape the life of the learner, rather than simply his mind. Jesus said that "everyone who is perfectly trained will be LIKE his teacher" (Luke 6:40).

This resulted in a methodology far different than that embraced by the pagan Greeks. In the Biblical Hebrew culture the focus was on relationship more than on curriculum. As a boy, Paul was taught by sitting "at the feet of Gamaliel" (Acts 22:3). His education was shaped by "hanging out with" Gamaliel, listening to whatever he talked about, and watching whatever he did. It was dealing authentic life rather than artificially contrived learning experiences.

I often have young families just beginning to homeschool a five-year-old ask me for advice about curriculum. I will ask them what they’ve been using up to that point, and they say something like, "We’re just starting out. We haven’t used curriculum." So I will facetiously reply, "So your child doesn’t know anything?" They immediately exclaim that their child actually is quite bright and has learned a lot. I ask them to give examples, and they begin enumerating some of the things the child knows. I dramatically marvel at how knowledgeable the child is, and express surprise that this was accomplished without curriculum. I then gently suggest that if their current approach is working well, perhaps they shouldn’t change course. They have taught much without curriculum, relying on relationship. This is what the Bible portrays of discipleship.

Today, most homeschoolers are strongly focused on curriculum. This is a common question raised when one meets another homeschool family. Imagine asking Jesus such a question. Jesus was the best teacher of all history, and yet, from the scriptural account it is clear He didn’t rely on a curriculum. We don’t even have any accounts of Him leading a Bible study. Instead, his approach was relational. He called His disciples to "Follow Me." He invested time in them, and had them study Him, rather than focusing on theoretical propositions.

If we follow the model we grew up with, we will try to reproduce the institutional classroom in our homes. This is a mistake that will become a huge hindrance to what God intends as His best. He is calling us to disciple our children relationally, using the Biblical methodology, as well as content.

Mistake #5: Focusing on Outward Appearance–Neglecting the Heart

We all enjoy hearing the feedback of relatives, neighbors, and friends, as they comment on the fruit of our homeschool efforts. And certainly we want our children to display good behavior and project maturity to those around them. If we are not careful, though, we become addicted to the praise of men.

God looks on the heart, and wants us to learn to focus there, too. Paul told us that true godliness is not about what we look like, but it is a matter of the heart (Rom. 2:28-29). Peter encouraged the women to focus on "the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God" rather than the outward beauty seen more immediately by others (1 Pet. 3:3-4).

When we focus on outward appearances, we typically fall into judgmental legalism, both of ourselves and others. Rather than harshness, the Lord calls us to a heart-based gentleness flowing from merciful hearts that loves God’s righteousness.

Mistake #6: Biblically Principled

We are not typically trained to think in terms of cause and effect. But the Bible (particularly the book of Proverbs) calls us to connect the dots of how our actions affect the things we experience. Paul further warned against the deception inherent in overlooking that "whatever a man sows, that he will also reap" (Gal. 6:7).

There are many families who recognize the possibility of falling into legalism, and thus react against any emphasis on living life by principles. In fact, Christianity is about relationship with God rather than living our lives according to a code of conduct (even a Biblical code of conduct).

However, there are universal laws of cause and effect that impact our fruitfulness and happiness. It is not legalism to embrace these "laws." It is a huge mistake to neglect the principles God has ordained. The New Testament warns against "lawlessness" and neglecting principles. Peter described the oppression resulting from the "conduct of unprincipled men" (2 Pet. 2:7) and warned against being "carried away by the error of unprincipled men" (2 Pet 3:17).

Sadly, there are many Christians who have a real relationship with God, but lack integrity. For example, God calls for His people to be principled enough to keep their commitments, even when this brings us loss (Num. 30:2; Ps. 15:4). We are not under the law, but neither are we to live "lawlessly" (Tit. 2:14).

Such lawlessness is an easier trap to fall into than most people realize. We certainly need to be dominated by our love relationship with Jesus in the Spirit. But He also desires for us to love His word and be instructed by it. The purpose of scripture is to shape our "world-view" into a Biblical paradigm that interprets every experience in light of scripture, and anticipates the Lord’s leading according to scripture.

Mistake #7: Led by the Spirit

On the other hand, there are many homeschoolers who are so focused on living their lives by scripture, and impress this deeply on their children, that they neglect to emphasize that Christianity is about relationship with the living God. Jesus told the religious leaders of His day (John 5:39-40), "You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."

Like the Pharisees Jesus dealt with, we can unwittingly focus on the letter of the law (and our interpretational schemes) that we lose the life the scriptures are meant to point us to. Christianity is not about our self-effort to fulfill regulations! It is about a living relationship where we are actually led by the Spirit. This is not to deny the importance of being instructed by scripture, but to clarify that the source of life is in the relationship with God.

Certainly there have been many who have claimed to be led by the Spirit, and have clearly displeased God. Yet there are also those who have twisted scripture to derive erroneous "principles" God never intended. If there is one message in the New Testament that is unequivocal, it is that the children of God must walk in ongoing communication and relationship with Him. Paul said (Rom 8:14), "For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God." He had previously (verse 9) said, "But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His."

It is not enough to know and follow scripture. Paul even argued (2 Cor. 3:6) that "the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life." Paul loved scripture, but the key issue of the reality of the Christian life was whether or not someone was living with God in the Spiritual realm beyond the temporal plane. He told Timothy "the law is good if one uses it lawfully" (1 Tim. 1:8). When the scripture is used as a replacement for relationship with God, it is an unlawful use of scripture. The scripture is to lead us into communion with God.

Paul loved the law, but He knew its limitations. He said, "But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law" (Gal. 5:18). We must teach our children to love the scriptures, but we must also teach them to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit in their lives. Without this all the scriptural knowledge in the world will only produce death.

Mistake #8: Isolationism

Many homeschoolers have found that the most insidiously negative influence in their children’s lives comes in the context of their church experience. God has clearly called us to protect our children. This has prompted many to withdraw from the vulnerability of what their children are exposed to in gathering with other believers. This can be a subtle trap. Proverbs 18:1 says, "A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment."

God has clearly called us to walk in fellowship with other saints. The New Testament warns against "forsaking the assembling of ourselves together" (Heb. 10:25). We are to walk in fellowship with other Christians, yet we must not lead our children into temptation by exposing them to ungodly influences. This is a dilemma.

Note that the scriptures do not tell us to "attend" church meetings, but rather to "exhort one another." Many people never miss a meeting, but never experience the mutual exhortation the scriptures prescribe. God wants us to walk in authentic fellowship with others of His people. John describes "walking in the light" (1 John 1:6-7) and says fellowship will result. We must not hide in isolation, but rather find other believers to walk and confide with.

In the New Testament the churches were dominated by relationships rather than programs. The fellowship relationships flourished in the context of home-based hospitality. The apostolic epistles repeatedly call believers to hospitality. Paul wrote that we are to be "given to hospitality" (Rom. 12:13). Peter told us to "Be hospitable to one another without grumbling" (1 Pet. 4:9).

God calls us to avoid isolating ourselves from non-believers, too. We need to protect our children from vulnerability, yet position ourselves to "be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you" (1 Pet. 3:15).

Mistake #9: Short-Sightedness

Wise parents look ahead in the lives of our children. None of us knows the future, but based on our own experiences and insights, we can predict the issues our children will face, and prepare them. Proverbs 22:3 says, "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, But the simple pass on and are punished."

One of the evils we must foresee is the fruit of failing to direct our children. Many parents are fearful of their children’s responses. They become child-centered rather than Jesus-centered. Like Eli, we end up honoring our children more than God. We often don’t realize that our focus on our children can become a form of idolatry.

When our children are young, we need to be alert to the precedents we are setting for our children’s futures. We must be assertive in forthrightly training our sons and daughters. We need to be aware that the older children will be examples (either positive or negative) to the younger ones. The younger children will follow in the footsteps we allow our older ones to walk in. The older ones will unwittingly be part of the training environment that shapes the younger ones.

Another trap is failing to foresee the negative peer-influence of youth groups. Our young people certainly need to enjoy Christian fellowship, but most youth groups are tainted with influences that make the young people vulnerable to the enemy. Paul says the young men are to be exhorted to "sober-mindedness" (Tit. 2:6). The young people are frequently tempted to flirt with experimental romances they will later regret, even if they succeed in maintaining physical purity.

Mistake #10: Fear of Further Leading

Most homeschoolers recognize that even today what they are doing is contrary to cultural norms. Sometimes they feel they are on the fringe edge already, and fearful of what the Lord may lead them to next. In fact, this is a realistic fear, and tests our willingness to surrender all to Jesus.

We see other homeschoolers becoming increasingly radical in areas that seem unrelated to homeschooling. Our natural inclination is to fear the Lord may lead us the same way. We watch as first it is the mom staying home rather than having a job. Then perhaps the parents begin to ponder the family’s diet and opt for eating more healthy foods (first whole wheat, then home-made, then grinding their own wheat, and so on). Then they begin considering more natural health remedies (herbal medicines), and perhaps even opting of home birth of new children. Then maybe the whole family begins wishing dad would stay home, too. So the whole family begins exploring ideas for home businesses in which each person has a role. Maybe the family even opts to begin gathering with other Christians in a house church.

As we see other homeschool families take increasingly counter-cultural steps, we become frightened, and at some point draw a line in our hearts, saying, I’ll never go that far.

God is faithful to take us beyond what we thought possible, but it is a mistake to fear that He has us on some sort of "slippery slope." Certainly we want to guard against eccentricity for its own sake. But the more in love with Jesus we are, the more abandoned we become in our commitment to yieldedness. The key is to position our hearts to be open to whatever He brings to us, with caution as the Bereans (Acts 17:10-11) who compared everything to scripture, but with open hearts to every new adventure He wants to lead us in.

Never say "No" to God. Rather, may we all be willing to be taught and persuaded.

I’m sure there are other mistakes we all make. Perhaps my list will prompt you to meditate on this question and the Lord will reveal unique pitfalls your household should avoid. May we all love and learn from His word, and be led by the Spirit in this pilgrimage, for Jesus’ pleasure & glory, and our families’ good.

http://www.BoldChristianLiving.com
Copyright 2005 Jonathan Lindvall

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