Personal Journal: September 8, 2008

This morning I was copying the beginning of Genesis 46, and I believe God spoke to me about this embrace of failure through the account of the man Israel returning to Egypt. It seems to me he probably felt much of what I just described.

In his lifetime Israel had seen God bring great wealth, and he had also suffered significant deprivation. He had experienced more than his share of glimpses of revelation from God. Yet he had gone through numerous trials, many as a result of his own fleshly inclinations. He had received divine direction and seen miraculous provision and protection.

Israel had embraced great expectations based on promises God had given him. And yet now, as an old man, he had to wonder if he had squandered God’s grace. He could look back and recount triumphs, but was also plagued by memories of tragedies and failures. He was undoubtedly somewhat disappointed with himself as he looked at how his family had turned out. He had some upright sons, but weaknesses in some of them that he had not dealt with early or thoroughly enough. Now it seemed too late.

Israel knew God’s hand was on his life. God had made astounding promises to his grandfather Abraham regarding his descendants. He had repeated and clarified these promises to his father Isaac. Their descendants would inherit the land of Canaan, in which they resided as strangers, and dwell there forever. And then Israel had received his own re-confirmation of this promise, directly applying it more narrowly to his own children.

But a few years later he had nearly lost heart when his favorite son Joseph disappeared, apparently having died a violent death in the jaws of some wild beast. Life had lost much of its meaning for him since then. He still had Benjamin, the only other son of his most-loved wife Rachel. On top of all this, now there was a famine in the land, and his wealthy family was reduced to rationing, scrounging, and begging for food. The previous prosperity God had provided now seemed a distant memory. He had finally sent his sons to Egypt to buy grain, and the ruler there had imprisoned one of them (Simeon), holding him hostage while demanding that Benjamin accompany the other brothers to secure his release. They returned to their father with heavy, anxious hearts, but also with enough food for their families to tide them over for a while.

Sending Benjamin to Egypt was out of the question. What if something happened to him? Benjamin was Israel’s whole life. What remained of his heart was tied up in Benjamin. He was being asked to risk everything that was dear to him. He steadfastly refused.

As the food supply once again dwindled, Israel’s sons had repeatedly appealed to him to entrust their youngest brother to them, so they could return to Egypt for more grain, and hopefully see Simeon set free. As literal starvation became the foreseeable alternative, Israel knew he had to relent. Another part of his heart died in yielding to the need to release Benjamin. He feared he would never see him again, but knew he would have to take the chance, or all of the family, including Benjamin, would die anyway.

Now his sons had returned with such a shocking report that Israel literally suffered a heart attack. Yet as the full truth of the report became evident, he revived. Joseph was alive! Not only was Joseph alive, but he was the very ruler in Egypt who had imprisoned Simeon as a test. Jacob’s sons related the further testing they had endured (and passed) to assure Joseph of their sincere regret for past hard-hearted cruelty, and their new sincere loyalty to their father and their younger brother. On top of all this, they brought a message from Joseph, telling of the future worsening of the famine, and that they were to bring their father and all his household to Egypt, where they would enjoy provision and security.

But Israel knew the background of his family’s experiences in Egypt. His grandfather Abraham had compromised his integrity in Egypt during a previous famine, and been kicked out of the country by Pharaoh. During a subsequent famine, a generation later, his father Isaac had apparently been tempted to go to Egypt, but God had intervened, actually appearing to him and commanding, "Do not go down to Egypt." God told him to stay in the land He had given to him and his descendants and He would be faithful to fulfill the intergenerational promises he had made to his father Abraham.

Now Israel himself was facing famine, and the temptation to go to Egypt. What should he do? His family was insistent that this was God’s provision. He himself longed to be reunited with his son Joseph. And the thought of abundant provision was more than appealing. But what of God’s promise to his him and his descendants? And what of God’s clear direction to his father Isaac not to take his family there, but to stay in the land they were given by God?

No doubt it was with a troubled, doubtful heart that Israel yielded to his family and began the journey to Egypt. As they began traveling, they came to Beersheba, a place with rich history of God’s dealings with his family. It was here that Abraham "called on the name of the LORD, the Everlasting God" after having finally made a peace agreement with Abimelech. It was to Beersheba that Abraham had gone to live after having obeyed God regarding the sacrifice of Isaac. Jacob no doubt remembered how, when he was young and the Philistine herdsmen kept taking his father’s wells, it was in Beersheba that God appeared to Isaac promising blessing, "he built an altar there and called on the name of the LORD," and the Philistine leaders became afraid of that blessing and once again made peace with his family. Apparently the family had stayed there for years, through the time that, when his name was still Jacob, he had left to find a wife in Padan Aram.

Yes, Beersheba was a significant place in Israel’s background and the relationship of his fathers with Almighty God. And now, here he was passing back through here on his way to Egypt, of all places. He likely wondered if He was truly in God’s will. Was he rejecting God’s previous word to his father to stay in the land and not go down to Egypt? He didn’t want to be unfaithful to the God of his fathers. He didn’t want to retreat from God’s promises of giving this land to his descendants. This felt like a defeat. Yet everyone else was so sure going to Egypt was the right thing to do. He was weary, discouraged, and confused. He stopped in Beersheba and "offered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac."

That evening "God spoke to Israel in the visions of the night," calling him by his old name, "Jacob, Jacob!" As Israel responded, God told him, "I am God, the God of your father; do not fear to go down to Egypt." Israel must have been shocked. This wasn’t a temptation after all! It really was God’s direction! He didn’t need to doubt or fear. God was directing him to go to his son Joseph and enjoy the abundant provision in Egypt, the very thing he had wanted, but tried to stand righteously against.

God continued, "I will make of you a great nation there." Wow! Going to Egypt wasn’t retreating from God’s promises after all! This was just part of the path God had ordained toward the fulfillment of the promise. Imagine the relief and freedom Israel must have felt at that moment.

But God wasn’t done yet. He continued with the most precious promise I can imagine, "I will go down with you to Egypt." God’s presence would be a continual reality as Israel went into the very place God had told his father not to go. Israel knew his family’s place was in the land of Canaan. It wasn’t God’s plan for them to remain in Egypt. But now He could go to Egypt confidently, knowing it was God’s will, the promises for his descendants remained, and God would be with them in the midst of this seeming retreat from their ultimate destination.

About twenty years ago, I faced a similar dilemma. A couple of years earlier I had sensed the Lord’s direction to resign my position as a teacher in a local government school. I had become persuaded God wanted me to aim my children toward financial freedom, including freedom from the bondage of employment where someone else controls their schedule. I assumed such freedom was unattainable for me, but was excited to envision it for my children. But then God led me to take the leap into this freedom myself.

However, over the next two years my family’s finances declined as I devoted myself to a ministry to Christian parents. When I found myself going into debt to support my family and ministry, I knew something was wrong. My family felt I should get a job again (return to Egypt?). My father specifically suggested that I seek another teaching position in a government school. I had serious doubts this could be the Lord, but it seemed there was no other option anyway.

As I yielded to this, I sensed the peace of the Lord in it. Moreover, the Lord opened up a door every bit as dramatic and surprising as Egyptian carts being sent to pick up Israel and his family. A school district superintendent was so desirous of having me join his staff that he recommended giving me salary credit for the years working with homeschool families, and previous experience substitute teaching. (It subsequently became apparent he had already determined I would make a good assistant administrator. The following year I was promoted to the position of principal in the school I was teaching in.)

I remained employed in this school district for five years. Then, about fifteen years ago, the Lord clearly led (and confirmed through various surprising means) that I was to once again resign and devote myself to a speaking ministry and serving godly families. I was so relieved to be once again headed toward the vision for freedom the Lord had given previously.

That was fifteen years ago. The Lord has shown Himself faithful, and we have seen His consistent provision in remarkable ways. Yet a while ago, it seemed that the Lord’s provision began to be withdrawn. My father is no longer living, and thus I didn’t have his advice. My wife occasionally hinted that I might be missing God’s direction, but I just couldn’t imagine He was calling me back to Egypt once again. I occasionally pondered once again seeking employment in the public school system, but repeatedly concluded that the thought was actually a temptation to financial security that would compromise the freedom God has called me to model and encourage others in.

However, within the last week I have come to the conclusion that what I perceived as a temptation might actually be the prodding of the Lord. My wife has been very careful not to try to usurp my leadership role in the family, but also recognizes God sometimes speaks to me through her. She has urged me to consider this.

Is it possible the Lord would have me return to public education (for employment, not for my homeschooled children)? Although uncertain, in the last week I have begun submitting applications to school districts in our area. Because the school year has already begun and classroom teachers have been assigned, it would take a minor miracle for me to land a position. And at this point, I’m still not certain that is really what the Lord wants. But I have come to believe I must demonstrate my wholehearted willingness by diligently seeking such a position.

But the story of Israel going to Egypt was encouraging this morning. I believe the Lord is speaking to me through it, urging me to yieldedness without fear. The greatest comfort is that HE will be with me, wherever He takes me.