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Comparison Chart of Dating, Courtship, & Scriptural Betrothal

What are the problems with "Christian Dating?" What is "Courtship" and why is it superior to "Dating?" What are the Problems with "Courtship?" Is there a Biblical solution? What is "Scriptural Betrothal?" How does "Scriptural Betrothal" compare (or contrast) with "Courtship?"

Check out this chart for a quick visual comparison of these models. Then read the articles dealing with the topic more in depth.

	Christian Dating	Courtship	Scriptural Betrothal
Definition	Temporary romantic relationship focused on current enjoyment/pleasure without future commitments; usually one of series of relationships	Parentally authorized romantic relationship focused on serious contemplation and hope of future marriage; hopefully, but not necessarily sole romantic relationship before marriage	Romantic relationship following publicly announced, irrevocable commitment to marriage; allows couple to "fall in love" before marriage, but after commitment is made
Scriptural Terminology & Definition	No; term "dating" never used in scripture; best described by the scriptural term "defrauding" (1 Thes. 4:6)	No; term "Courtship" never used in scripture; some scriptural principles consciously applied, particularly warning against "defrauding" (1 Thes. 4:6)	Yes; term "betrothed" used frequently in both Old and New Testaments; God, In Deut. 22:22-29, at least reinforces pattern by specifying punishments within three distinct marital states: single, betrothed, & married
Timing Sequence of Emotional Oneness	Physical attraction, begin dating, romantic cultivation, emotional oneness (fall in love), assume Lord's will, engagement, irrevocable (?) commitment at marriage	Attraction, parental authorization of courtship, seeking Lord's will, romantic cultivation, emotional oneness (fall in love), confirm Lord's will, parental authorization for marriage, engagement, irrevocable commitment at marriage	The Lord's direction to one, confirmed by parents, then by all, publicly announced irrevocable commitment at betrothal, romantic cultivation, emotional oneness (fall in love), marriage authorizes full physical union
Termination Procedure	Either party may terminate relationship any time, for any reason	Either party may terminate relationship any time, for any reason	Betrothal can only be terminated on the basis of infidelity; requires scriptural divorce
Purpose	Current enjoyment; exploration of compatibility for possible future relationship	Exploration of compatibility for possible future relationship	Cultivation of romance in preparation for spiritual & emotional unity in marriage
Parental Involvement	Generally considered irrelevant	Parental authorization required throughout courtship; may be revoked at any time; authorization for marriage may or may not be included in courtship authorization	Full parental blessing required before betrothal commitment; thereafter parental authorization is irrevocable accept in the event of infidelity
Activities & Motivation	Entertainment in groups or as couple alone; effort to impress & please other to retain or move forward in relationship; fear of being rejected (defrauded/broken-hearted)	Entertainment in groups or as couple alone; compatibility for marriage explored seriously; effort to impress & please due partly to fear of being rejected (defrauded/broken-hearted)	Following betrothal ceremony time of separation in preparation for marriage with full confidence; commitment eliminates fear of defrauding; direct communication controlled, focused on spiritual & emotional unity
Physical Affection	Generally acceptable to some pre-determined point short of full physical union; opens the door to temptation	Generally acceptable to some pre-determined point short of full physical union; parental involvement limits, but does not preclude temptation	No physical contact whatsoever until the wedding; betrothal period is for spiritual and emotional preparation (falling in love), not physical affection
Possibility/ Likelihood of Defrauding (1 Thes. 4:6)	Virtually inevitable; hearts are melded together romantically, then ripped apart repeatedly; flirtation (defrauding) is expected and institutionalized	Unlikely if both parties court only each other; however, some court a series of prospective spouses before making commitment thus defrauding happens	Virtually impossible given irrevocable nature of betrothal and avoidance of romantic cultivation prior to betrothal; emotionally as well as physically one-woman men and one-man women

{mos_sb_discuss:5}

Comments (1)

	1. Written by Yafa on 17-09-2008 12:10 - Guest
	How far is too far during the betrothed Some that are betrothed feel that they are now free to be alone and even free to indulge in french kissing. They speak and act as though they have been made as one already without a marriage ceremony. According to the scriptures we are to avoid EVERY appearance of evil. As they are not married yet, why indulge in that type of kissing which almost always results in a desire to go further. If we have been instructed by our God to \"be ye holy\" should we not be careful that we don\'t offend a holy God? [JPL's response: Amen. Such rationalizations as you describe are an abuse of a beautiful pattern God intended to protect from these very compromises.] Report

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